Saturday, September 22, 2007

Lamborghini Reventon, it's the New Britney Spears!

Celebrities. Yeah, THOSE people. They’re self-righteous, bad decision-making people who love to start out well and then lose touch with their audience or market and end up doing cocaine off of their baby’s head while engaged in a high-speed chase. So what happens when your fans lose faith and their attention is drawn elsewhere? They “reinvent” and repackage themselves to be the bigger, badder version of what they think will sell in an attempt to not be out-done. Jewel did it, Jessica Simpson did it, Gary Busey has done it a few times…kinda. But what inevitably happens? The “reinvention” doesn’t take and the once-shining star is now burned out and left to float off in the universe, forgotten and worse off than before.

One celebrity personifies this fall from grace: Britney Spears! About 6 to 8 years ago she was pop culture, with CDs, movies, a host of a award shows. Heck, she even got to make out with Madonna on stage, that’s something I’ve wanted to do for years. But time marches on and after drug and alcohol abuse, babies and after being Federline’d she fell apart. Worry not though, she’s back! Rehabilitated, repackaged and refurbished, she’s back to rekindle our interests in hot white trash. She’s not quite as good as she was before, is she? Nope, she’s worn out, used up and a shadow of her successful self. Did you see this year’s performance at the VMA’s? See below. But she seems to think she’ll be able to sell us on the new and improved Brittney. You buy it? I don’t, she’s already been busted for a hit-and-run this week.

Public Disaster:

So, that brings us to the Lamborghini Reventon, it’s the current Brittney Spears of the car industry. On the outside, yes, it looks interesting and highly attractive. It seems to have talent possessed by no other. However, look closer, under the surface: It’s just a Lambo hopped up on cocaine and Red Bull, then repackaged by it’s creators in an attempt to make an easy buck, praying the masses are dumb enough to buy it. It wants so desperately to be the hottest, fastest, most expensive car of the moment. It wants to surpass the current world-sensation: the Bugatti Veyron.

Lambo Reventon(Images sourced from

For those who aren’t aware; an older, recently revived brand named Bugatti built a 1,000 horsepower car that retails for $1.2 million. Let’s keep in mind it’s 0 to 60 time is less than 3 seconds. Probably quicker than it took you to read that sentence.) But it has diamonds encrusted in the clock and gauges, magnesium control stalks and 10 radiators. TEN! So with speed as fast as a jet, and a build quality and elegance better than the Vatican, people know it has the talent and quality to back up it’s lofty price tag. It’s THE fastest production car with the THE nicest interior. It is THE car of the millennium…so far.

So what’s Lamborghini respond in-kind with to it’s bigger, badder stepbrother?(Both Bugatti and Lamborghini are owned, if indirectly, by Volkswagen) They follow their heritage and provide the eager public with a ridiculous and absurd model, what they’ve always done. The old Miura was revolutionary and a blast to drive but it would burn up if you sneezed while driving, the Countach was beyond fast and expensive so if you drove one, you probably were a celebrity yourself – it defined sports cars in the 1980’s. Even the 1990’s Diablo GTR is ludicrous in that it was a rear-wheel drive car putting out 575 horsepower. It should have been the Lamborghini “I hope I filled out my Will” GT.

(Images from

So, in that same vein, the newest, baddest Lambo on the block has a big name to live up to. The Reventon is equally ridiculous to it’s grandparents, except in all the wrong ways. It costs $1.5 million and it has a body that was “designed after the F22 Raptor fighter jet” says Lamborghini. Great, airplanes are fast and absurdly cool! But, the Reventon is a repackaged, rehabilitated car. It’s a Lambo LP640, a sublime car, with a stupid, ugly body kit and only 20 more horsepower. So now, for an extra $1.2 million you can look like a nouveau riche idiot in a car that thinks it’s an airplane while people in cheaper $1.2 million Bugattis are passing you and other LP640s are rolling right beside you on the way to the local track.

This car is a pointless, expensive exercise at trying to be the best and hold onto marketing image. Lamborghini wanted the most expensive car? Well, they have it and, God willing, nobody will buy it. It’s like Brittney Spears then, hoping we’ll be fooled by it’s new looks and it’s new angle but, in the end, it’s still repackaged crap. The Reventon isn’t any better than the LP640 it’s based on, it looks worse and costs more…so how dumb is the public? The new diet, the new make up and the new song and dance doesn’t fool us, Lambo. We know you’ve given us a hyped up LP640 with a price tag it couldn’t hope to live up to much like Spears’ new album she’s working on.

(Images from

So, if this year’s Frankfurt International Autoshow was where the Reventon was debuted, then it must be the car version of Brittney Spears debut of her “new self” at the MTV VMA’s. And we all saw how that went for Britney. The Reventon, coupled with a cheaper, slower V8-slotted Gallardo makes me start to worry whose behind the wheel in Santa A’gata and the path for disaster they may be setting themselves on. Could this be the beginning of a downslope for Lambo? Tell me below.


  1. You'd have to tie a pork chop to that thing to get a dog to chase it. Ugly car.